Pre Marriage Counselling

Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that helps couples prepare for marriage. Premarital counseling can help ensure that you and your partner have a strong, healthy relationship — giving you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage.

Premarital counseling is often provided by licensed therapists known as marriage and family therapists. These therapists have graduate or postgraduate degrees — and many choose to become credentialed by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Counseling might be offered through religious institutions as well. In fact, some spiritual leaders require premarital counseling before conducting a marriage ceremony.

Why it's done

Premarital counseling can help couples improve their relationships before marriage. You'll be encouraged to discuss topics related to marriage, such as:

Finances
Communication
Value, attitudes and beliefs
Roles in marriage
Affection and sex
Desire to have children
Family relationships
Decision-making
Dealing with anger
How well you know each other

Premarital counseling helps partners improve their ability to communicate, set realistic expectations for marriage and develop conflict-resolution skills. In addition, premarital counseling can help couples establish a positive attitude about seeking help down the road.

Keep in mind that you bring your own values, opinions and history into a relationship, and they might not always match your partner's. For example, family systems and religious beliefs vary greatly. Many couples have experienced different upbringings with different role models for relationship and marriage. Many people go into marriage believing it will fulfill their social, financial, sexual and emotional needs — and that's not always the case. By discussing differences and expectations before marriage, you and your partner can better understand and support each other during marriage.

Marriage is an important event of life. It is an untraversed path for the most. However, marriage has many aspects which many people are not aware of till they experience it. Men and women both have different physical, emotional and sexual needs. Even, their way of thinking and perceiving usually differs from each other.

Premarital counselling is a therapy which helps to prepare the couples mentally for marriage. The counselling helps to make sure that you and your spouse can have a strong and healthy relationship throughout your life. Premarital counselling helps to improve a couple's relationship before marriage. Following topics are discussed during the premarital counselling:

How you prepare

The only preparation needed for premarital counseling is to find a licensed marriage and family therapist. Loved ones and friends might have recommendations. Your health insurer, employee assistance program, clergy, or state or local mental health agencies also might offer recommendations.

Before scheduling sessions with a specific therapist, consider whether the therapist would be a good fit for you and your partner. You might ask questions such as these:

Education: What is your educational and training background? Are you licensed by the state? Are you credentialed by the AAMFT?
Experience: What is your experience with premarital counseling?
Treatment plan: How long is each session? How many sessions should I expect to have?
Fees and insurance: How much do you charge for each session? Do you accept my insurance?

Some Points to be remembers while you are talking about Premarital Counseling

Your Marriage Expectations and Role Beliefs
How Your Past Affects Your Future Together
Plans for Resolving Future Conflicts
Proper Money Management
Avoiding Intimacy Issues
Fostering Healthy Communication
Having (or Not Having) Children

Importance of Pre-marital counselling

Premarital counselling helps to improve the communications between the partners and set realistic goals for marriage. It also helps to develop conflict-resolution skills. A positive attitude is established between the couples with the help of premarital counselling.
The primary step of premarital counselling is to prepare would-be bride and groom to understand the significance of marriage. Such counselling helps them develop the mentality of changing themselves and adjust with their partners in their spaces.
When bride or groom is mentally prepared for the marriage, the next step is the selection of the suitable partner. Compatibility between the partners is assessed instead of assessing the individual merits. This is a difficult job because at this time each partner tries to hide their negative characters and put their best in front. It is also difficult to predict the way partners will relate with each other whether love or an arranged or an arranged-cum-love marriage. Inter-caste, inter-religious or marriage with a foreigner are some critical situations which might cause a problem in future if not paid attention before marriage.
During counselling, each partner is asked separate questions to answer in written format to assess their perspectives about each other and their marital relationship. Various issues including gender equality, liberalisation & opening up of society, women adopting equal responsibility as breadwinner, nuclear families, demanding lifestyle, extremely cut throat competitive world, and stresses & strains of day-to-day life are discussed during the session.
It is also important to rule out certain diseases including thalassaemia, haemophilia, sickle-cell anaemia, and certain strains of Hepatitis, HIV/AIDS, and others before marriage.

A pre-marital counselling session is not something you go for if you think your relationship is in trouble. A session or multiple sessions with the counsellor will help you understand each other better, ask questions you might not have thought of to ask, make you discuss topics that you otherwise take for granted. A research says that 30 per cent of couples that underwent premarital education experienced higher levels of satisfaction (post-marriage) as well as a 30 per cent decline in the likelihood of divorce over five years. You will build your new life on a more solid foundation, once you have understood each other better. Pre-marital counselling helps you do just that. While you might fear to visit a pre-marital counsellor out of the fear that these sessions might unearth problems you aren't facing with your SO. But finding out about them now, and resolving them before they fester and become major deal-breakers will help you ensure a happy marriage.

Challenges of Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling may pose challenges for some individuals, and couples may initially avoid or dread counseling out of fear or anxiety over what issues may be revealed. Difficult topics or areas of significant concern may be raised in counseling sessions. Some couples may be discussing their individual values and beliefs or ideal partnership roles for the first time. While bringing differences of opinion up for discussion may help some address and successfully resolve them in therapy, others may decide certain issues are irreconcilable and choose not to marry.

Therapy offers participants a safe space to discuss concerns, but hearing a partner raise issues or express thoughts about the relationship and the role of both partners in that relationship may lead to hurt feelings or generate conflict. Being truthful about relationship doubts, expectations, or goals for the future may lead to short-term conflict between partners, but many partners are able to work through this, with the help of a therapist, and begin their partnership with a strong foundation.

Not every couple may be able to access premarital counseling. Some LMFTs may accept insurance; others may not. Some community centers or hospitals may offer low-cost counseling services. Doctors or other health care professionals may also be able to provide information about low-cost counseling resources. Premarital counseling also requires a time commitment, and busy couples may find it difficult to make the time for counseling. Some therapists may offer flexible scheduling.

When both time and money are constraints, many self-help books, DVDs, and audio materials can also serve as a form of premarital counseling. Many of these resources are authored by mental health professionals, though they are not intended to replace professional counseling.

What you can expect

Usually, each of you will be asked to separately answer a written questionnaire to determine how you feel about yourselves, each other and your relationship. These forms can also help identify any strengths, weaknesses and potential problem areas — such as the need to improve listening skills. Together, you and your counselor will interpret your results and discuss areas of common unhappiness or disagreement. You'll set goals with your partner to help overcome challenges.

In addition, your counselor might ask you and your partner questions to find out your unique visions for your marriage and clarify your expectations and desires for your marriage.

Remember, preparing for marriage involves more than throwing a party to celebrate an engagement. Take the time to build a solid foundation for your relationship.